New York City Anti-Violence Project promotes Anti-Violence Initiatives

AVP encourages our community members to stay safe!
Online Dating and Hook-Up Safety Tips

AVP has recently received reports of community members experiencing violence in connection with online dating and hook-up sites and apps. People are sometimes reluctant to report these incidents due to stigma around the use of these sites and apps, or may go without the support they need because they don’t know where to turn for help.

Violence can have both physical and emotional impacts, and AVP encourages our community members to get support and stay safe, including when dating or hooking up online. AVP can help even if the incident isn’t reported to the police and we keep all information confidential. If you witnessed or experienced violence, you can call AVP’s 24-hour bilingual (English/Spanish) hotline at 212-714-1141 at any time and speak to a counselor to get support. You can also report online at avp.org.

Below are our tips for our communities about staying safe.

Staying Safe from violence:

• Make a safety plan and let someone else know. (AVP can help!) Tell at least one person about your plans, such as who you’ll be with, a way to get in touch with the person/people that you are meeting, meeting place or location, and what you plan to do. Take time to discuss with your friends the ways that you can support each other. Plan in advance what will happen if you feel unsafe, such as where they will meet you and whether you want police called.
• Use your tech. Text yourself or friends about where you’ll be or where you are throughout the night, the handle the person or persons uses on the website or phone app where you met them, a picture of the person, and save messages when using websites and phone apps like Facebook, OkCupid, Grindr, Adam4Adam, BarebackRT, and others.
• Meet in Public. If you are only conversing online, you may not have enough information to assess someone’s intentions. If possible bring friends with you. They can watch your back and they can let you know their impressions of your date. Also, if you agree to meet up with only one person, but multiple people show up, do not leave with them. If you meet up and the person doesn’t look like the picture, ask them about it. If they don’t have an answer you feel comfortable with, leave.
• Know your limits. If you’re going to use substances, including alcohol, decide ahead of time how much ahead you will use and try to stick to it.
• Incidents of hook-up violence can happen in public spaces such as bars, sex/play parties, etc. Let friends, other patrons, or bar/nightclub staff know if you leave temporarily and when you intend to return. When you are outside, scan the street for establishments (such as a bodega or car service) where you can go to seek help if you feel unsafe. Don’t leave any drinks or your belongings unattended. Discuss your interests and boundaries for sex, including BDSM, with the person before you start.
• Trust your instincts. If you feel threatened or unsafe at any point, if at all possible exit the situation. If you are afraid of offending the person, you can do so politely.
• You can say no: No matter who initiates or how far you’ve gone, you can stop at any time for any reason.
• Get involved! To help keep our communities safe, get involved with AVP’s community organizing work. Help develop our programs and projects to bring safety for all communities.

Getting Support if violence does occur:

• It’s not your fault. Nobody has the right to violate your boundaries or commit violence against you, no matter where it happened or how you met.
• Consider medical attention or counseling after an incident: Violence can have many physical and emotional impacts.
• Document the incident: Take photos of any injuries; keep records of emails, texts, calls.
• Take care of yourself by utilizing supportive friends, partners and family.
• Call AVP! AVP is here to support survivors of all forms of violence, including hook up, dating, sexual, intimate partner, hate, and police violence. If you have witnessed or experience violence, we encourage you to call our 24-hour bilingual (English/Spanish) hotline at 212-714-1141 where you can speak with a trained counselor or to use our secure online reporting form at www.avp.org.
• Find out more about the New York City Anti-Violence Project at our website (avp.org) and Facebook page (Facebook/antiviolence).

On Your Radar! Community Discussion on Staying Safe While Hooking Up

When: Monday, January 28^th from 6:30-8:30PM
Where: AVP offices at 240 West 35^th Street, Suite 200 (2^nd floor) between 7^th and 8^th Avenues (A/C/E/1/2/3 to 34^th Street/Penn Station, N/R/Q/D/F/M to 34^th Street/Herald Square)
What: Join AVP for a community discussion on how to stay safe when using online dating and hook-up apps and sites! Remember, no one is to blame for the violence that happened to them, no matter where they may have met that person.